So I cursed in front of my mom today.
Big deal, right? Well for those who know my mom and know her type (traditional, first-generation Korean mom type) it was a notable moment in history.
I thought at first that it slipped by. We were having something of a heated argument and I just threw it in there for emphasis ["it" being the "F" word]. Actually, I threw it in for effect. I knew as soon as I formulated the sentence and blurted it out (yes, I'm one of those that thinks up what I'm going to say before I actually say it. (Thats why all the subtext and parenthesis. Just imagine I'm pulling you to the side during a performance to comment on something.) One has to in this sort of touchy situation. There is liable to be a loss of life over a misspoken phrase when in heated converse with a traditional, first-generation Korean mom) that she would be stunned for just a second. The second I would need to craft my escape from this conversation. She didn't skip a beat though, no break in rhythm, nothing. Not until a few hours later...
After the war was over and dinner was burned, oven beeps are to be ignored in times of war, I went through the whole gamut of theories and emotions entangled with getting away with a slip like that. Maybe she didn't hear it? Maybe she is so desensitized to swearing now that she didn't catch it? Maybe she decided that her son of 29 years was old enough to use "grown up" words? (yeah, right)
Enough time had passed that I had turned my thoughts to other things when, [knock knock] a knock at the door, [creek]
[mom] "If I tell you to get on your knees in front of me will you do it?"
[me] (interrupted while watching the bonus scenes on "Breach") "What do you mean?" (pauses DVD)
[mom] (proceeds to go over the significance of being cursed in front of for the first time by her son and the details of how it broke her heart)
For some reason I'm reminded of the page from the interrogation manual that reads "Allow the subject to believe they have gotten away with a minor slip up. After allowing for sufficient time to pass or distraction to be introduced, confront the subject with the aforementioned slip up and they will be caught off guard; naturally on the defense, thereby giving the interrogator control of the conversation."
After I get on my knees, of course I did it, she explains to me the situation and makes me swear to her, God, myself (yes in that order) and everyone else in the world that I wouldn't do it again. Not only in front of her, mind you, but _ever_. Thats right. The word "F" has been officially stricken from my vocabulary. That makes this a double whammy of a footnote in history.
For a number of years the word that shall be so lovingly referred to as "F" was one of my favorite! I used it as a waiter in an Italian chain restaurant would use a pepper mill or a cheese grinder. I used it about as sparingly as that thing that spreads salt on the street in the winter uses salt... I know that was a stretch, but you get the picture. The short of it is: No more using the word called "EFF." I'm going to miss that word when I'm drunk. I'm sure when I drink and try to use it, I'll get a look on my face as if I were thinking about the day my puppy got ran over. Which never happened by the way. I'll probably get all mellow and just sulk for the rest of the night. Unless I'm drunk and its daylight. Then I'll just be sulking all day and probably go take a nap.
Anyway. Like I said: Epic moment in history.